Monday, April 9, 2012

I HATE the Target Two-Day Sale Woman

I am always getting emails explaining all sorts of reasons I need to boycott Target, but the biggest reason I might avoid Target this holiday season is the "Target Two-Day Sale Woman". This woman is the living embodiment of everything I hate about the holiday season. When I Googled the bitch to get the skinny on how other people feel about her, much to my surprise, there are people who LOVE this bitch.


The first thing I hate about the Target Two-Day Sale Woman is her fashion sense. High heels with a jogging suit? Seriously bad -- and are those pantie lines I spy? The Wilma Flintstone pearls don't help the outfit either. The a-line double knit red 60's airline stewardess and little scarf isn't much better.

Next thing I hate about the Target Two-Day Sale Woman is I believe she has a substance abuse problem. No way her adrenaline fueled behaviour is the merely the combination of too much coffee and holiday sugar. That's right: I suspect her of harboring an amphetamine habit the size of Santa's belt. I look forward to seeing this bitch locked up in Dr. Drew's "Celetrity Rehab" sometime early next year.

The thing she does with the frosting gun is kind of nasty. Has no one noticed this but me? Creepy as hell and they show this crap during prime time. Never mind the potty-mouth baby dolls, parents need to keep an eye on this dame.

Most of what I hate about the Target Two-Day Sale Woman is that she represents everything I HATE about the holidays. She IS the stores opening at ungodly hours in the morning luring mostly women, who have spent the day prior to Black Friday cooking, baking, entertaining, etc., from their warm well-earned slumber, into cold, crowded parking lots so they can compete with other exhausted consumers in a seasonal assault in the name of scoring the biggest bargains before they are gone. The whole thing makes me want to hide under the bed until the holidays are OVER.

Merry Christmas indeed.